Women – What are they all about?

Here’s a good question: What are women all about? Why am I drawn to one and not another? I’m not talking about young girls, adolescents, early twenties, recognizable bimbos. I’m talking about mature women – those who have seen a bit of life, have had successes and failures, made mistakes, had love and rejection, who have begun to know themselves. A bit subjective here but how about a lady that can look into herself, examine her depth of experience with a critical eye, and talk without shame or glitter about the good, the bad and even the ugly. She is coming to know herself. But how can I, a man, the distinct other, know who she is?

 There is a broad and deep chasm between emotion and logic, between feelings and mind. And on different sides of this chasm we find men and women. They, we, are different.  Nature, or God if you will, has given us different roles. Nature’s overriding imperative, procreation and the maintenance of the species, has armed us with the tools to fulfill this imperative. They are sexual attraction and the physical and emotional equipment to carry out our roles. Without sexual attraction all species would rely on random couplings, chance events, and be dumbfounded about “What do I do now?” In this environment life wouldn’t even be a Google topic. But should couplings occur, what a priori inklings would tell the mother, whose physical structure accommodates babies, what to do and urge the father to protect and provide. All species – bugs, bats, butterflies, birds, sharks, dogs, wart hogs, apes and humans share these tendencies to some degree. The male and female of the species are drawn, attracted, to each other, they couple, and the species moves on.

 But wait! Where is the romance? If all this attraction and subsequent events are prescribed, preordained and entirely controlled by our hypothalamus and brain stem, then why do we humans love and have emotions that defy reason, logic and pre-ordained paths? I suspect that the lower mammals don’t share that broad range of human emotions – affection, endearment, tenderness, togetherness, humor, understanding, empathy that in concert define what we call “love”. What is it that sponsors these feelings between a man and a woman?  It isn’t simple lust that runs its course and results in abandonment. What is it that draws a man to a particular woman when there are millions out there?  What is it about that particular woman that draws me or even repels me? Is it simple chemistry or a longing to learn and understand who this remarkable person is and intertwine her essence with mine?  That brings me to my initial question: What are women all about?  

 There are a few things I know. We like those who like us. Perhaps we are inclined to love those who love us – but this is suspect. There’s more to it than that. Visual attraction is strong in men. Women, not so much.  Women tend to be drawn to powerful men – powerful in strength, prestige, wealth – those things that argue for protection. But these attractions are common to lower mammals. There’s more to this.  Women tend to be more emotional than men. Men tend to be more logical. This is the chasm that separates them. Men don’t talk a lot – particularly about their emotions and faults. Women talk a lot – particularly to each other and don’t hesitate to talk about faults. Men don’t cry – not masculine. Women do. Men want to dominate other men and events. Women don’t pursue this. Men don’t want examination of their deepest feelings. Women have no problem with this. Men don’t want to give up their singularity to a woman. Women don’t seem to have a problem with this. Men tend to want their space. Many women want to attach themselves, strongly, to their man. Men don’t want to entangle themselves with the deepest emotions of a woman – this requires a level of understanding and acceptance that is beyond most. Men don’t appreciate intelligence and aggressiveness in a women – it is intimidating. But in spite of these differences we continue to be drawn to some women. What’s that all about?

 How good is it to laugh with someone – to appreciate together the humor in some event, person, situation – goofy or not. How good is it to become lost in a beautiful scene, song, poem, story along with the other. How good is it to listen to and share the problems of the other – to simply show up and shut up. How good is it to simply be with that other and know that they want to be there, that talk is not necessary? How good it is to shed all artifice and be just you. To know that the touch of a hand speaks volumes. To simply share life as it presents itself. How good is that.