Man Think
You say “What do I know about how men think?” I'll share some of my "man think" with you. A man's first level of attraction to a woman is visual - legs, hips, bosom, face - all in proportion and symmetrical, then add in coloring and vigor. Wow! Look at that! I want to get closer to that. At this point notice that I refer to this attractive woman as "that". Maybe that visual object hasn't even spoken yet, hasn't voiced an opinion, and at least is not drooling from the mouth. That woman thing could be dumb as a rock but discovering who she is the next step. All men, not wimps or gender deniers, respond this way. It is nature's clever way to draw a man toward a woman and promote the propagation of the species.
But now nature's mandate becomes more complex. Greeting and meeting start to turn this visual object into a real woman - that opposite sex that simmers and even bubbles with friendship, excitement and promise. She can talk, string sentences together, smile and even laugh at the man's childish humor. At this juncture the human species leaves the lower species behind - those lower species who now lure the female object into a DNA sharing event either by force or constant urging.
The man now tries to impress this new found woman thing who has passed the visual test and doesn't drool, with his array of attributes. This can include strength of arms, clever banter, financial status, athletic prowess, power position, national or local acclaim, an Aston Martin, a string of complements - deserved or not, and clothing that fits and isn't stained. Very little time has been spent on trying to find out who this woman really is. So far it resembles a game with the prize still an unknown.
True two way communication starts to happen. She hasn't walked away from the man's self-serving list and display of attributes. She hasn't yawned, checked her watch, remained stoned face or dismissed eye contact. Communication is a many faceted gem. It includes speech, eye contact, body language, touching and a wide range of responses. Speech tops the list. Speech - words - define and expose what's going on in our minds and emotions. We exchange words and each exchange lets the other know more and more - and it isn't always good. We modulate our tone, knowingly or not, to speak softly, to pause, to express excitement or ennui. Good speech is like good music that flows in a pleasing cadence and meter, complete with appropriate highs and lows, toys with our emotions and conveys subtle meanings.
How many times has eye contact flavored a conversation. I think just about always. Constant eye contact says "I'm really interested in what you say." A roving eye just about always signals disinterest or boredom. Sometimes lack of eye contact signals a very shy person or one with low self-esteem. Every now and then deep and penetrating eye contact signals a desire to know more and more, that I am deeply interested in who you are and what you have to say.
If communication is going well you move a bit closer. If communication becomes trying you move farther apart. If she reaches out and touches your arm or, better yet, your hand you know that warmth has entered the conversation. Every now and then something wonderful happens - talking stops, eyes lock, and you touch each other. If it is a game then all signals point to two winners.
Surely there are next steps but I leave that to your imagination. I'll stop here having told you some of my thoughts - you who says "What do I know about how men think?"