Columbia Scholl of Journalism
Recording of a recent interview for admission to the Columbia Scholl of Journalism.
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Int: Good afternoon, Miss Milnial. Why have you selected CSOJ?
Mil: Well, I’m interested in Investigative Journalism.
Int: We don’t offer courses in Investigative Journalism per se.
Mil: Please help me. I thought that investigation of the facts was one of the pillars of journalism.
Int: Not always. Facts can be hard to find and at times very slippery. We encourage the student journalists to examine their feelings and ideological beliefs. We feel that this is their truth. We encourage investigation, if it is really needed, to be guided by their beliefs – their truth.
Mil: But what if I uncover supposed facts that run counter to my beliefs?
Int: We advise our students to keep their beliefs, their truth, uppermost in their reporting. If you are accepted into CSOJ you will become a champion of true righteousness and we wouldn’t want the intrusion of suspect beliefs or facts to color your reporting. If you uncover troubling facts, accomplishments, or ideas we advise you to simply not report them.
Mil: I come from the Midwest and graduated from a parochial high school and college. I believe that my grades, my participation in community service, and my SAT grades speak for themselves.
Int: Ordinarily they would. But I see that you were active in a Right to Life group, an Israeli support group, and there is mention here of a Gay Marriage bias. Is this true?
Mil: Yes. True. But why do you question this. Isn’t CSOJ open to all ideas and the discussion of diversity?
Int: Not quite. We believe that mankind has advanced beyond the calcified ideas of the past. We have removed ourselves from the strictures of outdated beliefs. We believe that the truly gifted and intellectually superior people of this generation have discovered those ideas that will bring about a true earthly Utopia.
Mil: Hold on a bit. There is nothing new here. The progressive ideology argues that an elite group of intelligent people could better govern than a large group of unschooled citizens each pursuing their own untutored ends. This is nothing new. Plato, Thomas More, Thomas Hobbes and Karl Marx all defined a utopia where a “truly benevolent and wise” government gains the trust and following of the citizens and makes all the rules, much to the satisfaction of the citizens. Unfortunately, history still waits for this utopia to arrive.
Int: These are ideas we’d rather not see expressed in our classrooms. By the way, do you have any non-Caucasian background, LBGTQ leanings, agnostic beliefs, religious beliefs, conservative leanings or politically incorrect beliefs?
Mil: Why do you ask?
Int: We have student and teacher councils here at CSOJ that monitor student speech, behavior and inappropriate class discussion. We would hate to have you express certain outdated ideas. We would also love to hear you express the approved new normal ideas and thought. Your grades could depend on the expression of your innermost beliefs.
Mil: Thanks for your time. I’m withdrawing my application.